Press J to jump to the feed. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts

An educational subreddit about gender and sexuality


Posted by15 hours ago

Long post ahead, sorry.

外围体育投注Hi. I’m a 24 yo cis male, I’m just finishing my last year of college and live in a country that’s quite conservative, but fortunately in a city that’s more open and diverse, at leas. I’ve been practising social distancing since early March, and perhaps because of it, I’ve started paying more attention to that aspect of my life.

I should also say that I’m currently battling a case of depression and anxiety. Things are working out well on that front, though. I’ve been feeling good for a few months now and my meds are working quite well. This is probably not related, though.

So, I’ve always considered myself straight, I’ve grown with that identity, and it has always fit me well. I was raised like any other straight man would have been, and my teenage years were basically the same as any other one in my position. I still consider myself to be straight if anyone asks.

But I know I’m most likely not. I will be honest, this is probably just me lying to myself. I haven’t “come out” yet, not even to myself, but deep down I think I know better. I think I’m in denial. Am I also in denial about being in denial? It’s all very confusing. Very, very confusing. I honestly don’t know what to do.

外围体育投注So, what happened: I’ve always felt attracted to girls. I’ve fallen for them, I’ve had relationships (all short-lived, nothing serious), and I’ve always had a deep sexual attraction to women. However, I’ve always found myself open to having physical, sexual experiences with men. Nothing ever happened, I never tried anything, and small cases that came close to it always ended with me backing away, and feeling close to nothing at all!

外围体育投注But still, I have always found certain men to be attractive. Not many, though, certainly not as much as I feel with women. However, I do get sexually aroused watching men, sometimes much more than women. I do consume adult content with only men, I’ve always done that. Some times not with the same frequency as with female content, but close enough.

But I’ve always found that to be some sort of “openness”, or “curiosity”, nothing ever enough to suggest I wasn’t straight. And that’s how I’ve been living all my life. Mostly because I’ve never felt romantically inclined towards any men in real life, quite the opposite, to tell the truth.

See why this is so confusing?

外围体育投注This is overwhelming.


外围体育投注I’m an over 6 foot guy man. I’m having a bit of an identity crisis. Many days I feel like just an ordinary guy who likes women and am overall pretty masculine. Then suddenly some days I wake up and I feel very feminine; I suddenly want to dress like a woman, wear heels, have long hair, put make up on, paint my fingernails and toenails, imagine myself with lady parts, imagine myself as a woman with guys etc. It’s a very strange feeling and I don’t know what this means exactly. Am I gay? Am I bi? Am I trans? What should I do exactly?

Posted by23 hours ago

I’m a gay cis male, but I would like to go out and dress as a woman just sometimes. I’m not sure if I’m nonbinary, genderfluid, or some other label entirely. Also I don’t know if me going out as a girl is ignorant since I don’t have dysphoria, and I know I’m not trans, I just want to look like a female every once in a while. I know that drag exists but I don’t know if it’s related to the question or not.

Posted by1 hour ago

I am fully aware that your gender has nothing to do with whom you're attracted to, but this is something that's been on my mind for a while. Forgive me, English is not my native language!

外围体育投注If you were AFAB and identified as straight before you realised you were trans, you would be attracted to straight man. But let's say you now identify as a trans man, and still are attracted to men. However you are now attracted to gay men.

How does a trans person experience this? How did your sexuality change or how did it affect the way you were attracted to people?

Posted by13 hours ago

So, I'm verryy sure I'm gay. Like, I've been attracted to women before, yet, I have been experimenting and yep, I'm attracted to guys. I'm definitely sure I'm gay, but I still have that piece of me that denies it. I want to beat that part out of me. Any ideas?

Posted by4 hours ago

Ok. I have seen many things lately on different platforms of Gay fetishizing and I was wondering, hopefully not though, if I am one of them. I'm a straight woman and feel slightly aroused with m/m or f/f explicit writings but do not watch any yaoi type things. I write my own stories on m/m or f/f because I like the dynamic of the characters. From what I've seen, Gay fetishizers see the people as "objects" or something for their personal desires, but I do not. I have many gay and lesbian friends but most of the time I don't think 'I have Gay best friends!', ship anyone together that is gay or think about them being together in bed. I see them as normal people that are my friends and have their own opinions on who they like, It's basically the same thing with my friends that are also straight. I also like reading straight stories too, both explicit and not. If I am fetishizing on Gays, I will stop and fix it since I know this is a problem.

Posted by5 hours ago

外围体育投注Hi, I'm a 25yo bigender male(female/male), I've always considered myself just straight but over the past couple years I've come to find I'm sexually attracted to women but because I want to have sex as a woman rather than just with them.

I know the term "male lesbian" is thrown around just to pick up women but it's the only descriptor I can come up with as I am repulsed by the male body and am only sexually turned on by fantasies of being female, with other females. I am just confused by all this and have never really been able to find answers.

Posted by15 hours ago

I (25F) have been with my partner (30M) for three years. We live together, have a dog together, and have built a great life together. I love him. He’s known I was bisexual since our second date, and has been the most tremendous ally. He’s supported that side of me without sexualizing it and stood up for me when others tried to diminish it multiple times. I don’t know that I’ve ever met a fiercer straight male ally.

As a result of other issues (nothing to do with my sexuality), recently we separated for several weeks. Ultimately we decided those issues were worth working through, and got back together. But over the past month, I’ve started to have doubts. Not about him, but about myself. I think I might be gay, and it’s tearing me apart.

When we broke up, I began to picture future partners. What I’d want, what I wouldn’t. And for the first time in my life, that partner was unequivocally female. And now that I’m back with him, unless it’s HIM specifically, my heart says I’m ending up with a female.

外围体育投注And now, I find myself comparing my boyfriend’s behavior to what I imagine a female would do in that situation (obviously, I can’t really know that and the behavior of a partner has little to do with their gender. But the mind goes where it goes).

When it comes to attraction, my attraction to women didn’t end when my relationship with a man began. But loyalty and monogamy have always been so paramount to me that it didn’t matter. I still wanted to be seen as attractive by men and women, but my heart belonged to him. Over the past year, however, that desire to be attractive to men shifted. I don’t care what men think about my appearance anymore. My style has also recently grown to a place I love but my boyfriend isn’t crazy about, and while not the intention it is a style I’d definitely consider more attractive for WLW.

I also find myself thinking about women and sex with women in ways I just don’t about men. Not that I’ve been stifled - my relationship with my bf has been strong enough that we’ve experimented together with females, and I’ve loved that. So it’s not like staying together closes the door on sleeping with women. But I WANT to sleep with women, while I don’t have any desire to sleep with men outside of my bf. I’ve exclusively watched lesbian p*rn for over a year, and I’m increasingly finding that when my bf and I have sex, I’m doing so because I know it makes him feel good. Not for me. ((And no, neither him nor I would consider an open relationship.))

I’ve done so much reading on compulsory heterosexuality that my brain hurts, but I feel like since the whole situation is so unique to the individual, I know I can basically use confirmation bias to find any answer I’m looking for at any time.

I also have a lot of reasons for not wanting to be gay -

  1. I have a lot to lose. Primarily, I have a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me and will make me happy if I let him. My mother’s entire side of the family would disown me, and while I don’t care about their opinions, it would destroy my mother to be stuck in the middle (My parents have known about my bisexuality from the beginning, they’re wonderful and support me no matter what). And I have a confident identity built on my bisexuality I don’t want to lose.

  2. As part of that identity, I have publicly fought for years against the idea of bisexuals having to “choose a side,” and I’ve used myself as the example of someone who can happy in a relationship with one gender without losing their attraction to the other. I can’t stand the idea of damaging that fight by picking a side. And I know that the people that matter won’t see it like that, but I’ve always been the loudest voice for bi representation in my friend groups, and at the end of the day I would be fulfilling a long-standing and awful stereotype of bisexuality.

  3. What if I’m wrong? What if I take this step, end my relationship and change the way everyone sees me, and then realize I was wrong, and not only have I lost everything I have, but I lost it for nothing? I can be an impulsive person, and I can be a drama queen. I recognize this internalization from back when I thought I was “looking for attention” by coming out as bi. But maybe I actually am just being dramatic here.

1 comment

About Community

This is a space for people who are interested in discussing and learning about gender and sexual minorities (LGBTQ). The emphasis here is on education and outreach, so please feel free to join us!




Created Oct 3, 2010